Let's start a thread of jokes, and we can see who comes up with the funniest.

Rules:
-MUST BE PG-13 Appropriate


Here's one:

Why did the man freeze his money?

A: He wanted cold, hard cash

A Retiree's Thought




My wife said, "Whatcha doin today?"
I said, "Nothing."
She said, "You did that yesterday."
I said, "I wasn't finished!"

Haha...I like that one....


Here's one:
OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

Got this from aha jokes.

Quote:One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

HAHA kinda funny. Though why is he read his rights before the breathalyzer? :P

Quote:A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV it's a microwave!"

I always loved that one.. >_>

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaad.


'Doctor, doctor, I keep stealing things. Can you give me something for it?'
'Try these pills. And if they don't work, bring me back a DVD player."


Doctor to Patient: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: The good news, please.
Doctor: The good news is that you have only twentyfour hours to live.
Patient: If that's the good news, what's the bad news?
Doctor: I should have told you yesterday.

(01-29-2009 12:44 AM)Nickman Wrote:  Haha...I like that one....


Here's one:
OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

Old Tennis Players Never die, They just lose the hair on their balls.

Two fish in a tank, one looks to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?"